Love Letters to Express What I Am Really Feeling

During the months I went through the YOU University Life Coach training program, it was a required assignment to write love letters to the people or groups that I perceived as having caused me pain in my past.  At first, and for quite a while, I didn’t want to do them.   As I accessed my feelings of anger and resentment, I just didn’t want to write them.  Ugghhh, just let me be with my feelings.  I don’t want to write about love or that I understand.

Yet, because of the loving insistence from my coach and mentor, Maia Berens to write them, I did. 

Now as a graduate of YOU University, I look back at those months of training and inner work, and I understand how therapeutic and healing this tool was and still is.   A love letter actually helps get my stuck feelings out, especially anger, hate, frustration, fear, sadness, until it’s all on paper.  There’s a certain magic to writing them down that works better than just leaving the feelings in.

I wrote love letters (and still do when I need to) to my parents, my ex, my self, my children, a friend, the corporate world, religion, even to wealthy people.  To whomever or whatever I was feeling angry towards.

In YOU University, I learned:

  • Most communication problems stem from only telling part of the truth, and not expressing the complete truth.
  • Underneath all anger and hurt is a feeling of love and a willingness to connect and be close.
  • Failure to feel and express all my feelings prevents me from tapping into the love that’s in my heart. 

Let me share the steps or levels of a Love Letter:

  1. Anger, Blame and Resentment
  2. Hurt, Sadness and Disappointment
  3. Fear and Insecurity
  4. Guilt, Remorse and Regret
  5. Love, Understanding, Forgiveness and Desire

Of course, the purpose of writing a love letter is for myself.  I can be as honest, open, nasty, angry as I am truly feeling.  The recipient of my feelings will never get or read this letter.  This is just for me.  I’m working with myself.  It’s about me!!!  This gave me permission to feel.  What I never got to do growing up, I’m doing now.  Feeling my feelings.  No judgements.  No whys either.  Oh, and the love part needs to be longer than the other parts of the letter.

What totally opened my understanding of how helpful a love letter is was when Maia reminded me during a call that underneath the anger and hurt, there is a feeling of love!  But first I need to express what I’m feeling in order to reach the love.  That was an aha moment for me. 

As time goes on, I understand that love letters aid me in forgiving and changing my perception.   


Published in: on June 12, 2011 at 4:48 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I have written so many and for so long, that I’m including some in a book called “Love Letters to My Spouse”. They truly work.

  2. Fab article, says it all about digging out those emotions.

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