Too Responsible for My Own Good

I belong to an amazing group of YOU University coaches and coaches in training.  One of the wonderful and unique traits of this group is we have never met in person, we live in different parts of the world, Australia, US, England, and yet we feel so close to each other.  We share our struggles and joys and virtually support each other either by phone (we do weekly group coaching calls) or daily through an online chat site.

Teri, one of the coaches in training, is discovering and working through many old, toxic behaviors she’s held on to throughout her life.  As I read her story of her present challenges it brought up some of my own old stuff.

So, here it is.  I have always felt responsible for other people’s well-being and happiness.  I’m talking about other adults.  I feel responsible for other people being ok.  I forget in the proces about me.  And, from reading Teri’s experiences, I realize this is what I’ve done most of my life in my meaningful relationships.

You know where it started?  When I was a little girl.  My parents’ relationship was emotionally violent and very stressful.  They would be on each others case for any little issue.  Where did I come into the picture? Well, my mother was very controlling, manipulative and strong-willed.  My father was weak and complacent to all her wants.  From a very small age I felt protective of my father and that I had to defend him against my mother…..this became an ingrained behavior in me.

I also remembered how proud I felt being so “responsible” at a young age.  I would boast about it.  By the age of 20, I was married and raising my children when I should have been having fun and finding out what I wanted to do with my life.  I fell right into the “responsible” pattern….because it was all I knew.  So, I became too responsible for my own good.

Through this new awareness, I am consciously practicing returning the responsibility of their lives to the people in my life today.  It’s not easy, because this feeling of responsibility is accompanied with guilt…..somehow I also believed that I was guilty of my parents’ fighting.

I am grateful to Teri, Maia, YOU University coaching group, journaling, and to myself for this new awareness and for moving forward in my self-discovery and healing.

 

Published in: on June 18, 2011 at 7:12 pm  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Fantastic awareness Savina. I think it is so wonderful that whilst we are coaches ourselves we learn so much from the people we coach and the people we train to coach with. You are an amazingly strong woman and I am privileged to be in the same group of coaches as you.


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